I Could Have Done The Same

by Sukey Kasiya
Sukey is one of the selves in a multiple personality group.

Thoughts about school violence are with me today.

I remember the times I shared this body with LeAnne, Lisa, Vaneza, Tina, and Robyn during high school years. After all the stress and hate we had for that school I'm surprised we didn't flip out on someone. Robyn did a few times and slammed lockers and doors. Lisa got angry and threw desks in class. I banged my trapper keeper against desks a few times. If someone teased my younger brother on the playground I flipped out on them and threatened people with large rocks unless they left him alone. That's probably close to actual school violence.

I'm not a violent person but I had thoughts about it. I hated that school. It felt like a prison. We weren't allowed to be ourselves or we'd go to hell. Lisa admitted to me before that she had fantasies while in class of making a bomb and blowing the school up. I don't blame her. The teachers believed we were evil. The pastor thought we were sinners deserving of eternal hell.

Our parents ignored us. We were left alone all the time with no one bothering to hardly ever check on us. I wonder sometimes if we had a way to do it would we have done something violent in school other than angry outbursts and fantasies.

Even the usually quietest and seemingly least intimidating person like we were can have thoughts like this. No one would ever know something was growing to bursting points inside. Our grades were nearly all highest marks. We were creative. We read all the time, wrote poetry, wrote stories, drew pictures. There were our sometimes tantrums in school but that was it.

Know what happened when our actions finally did get us noticed? They expelled us from the school during a winter vacation while we weren't there to defend ourselves. They said it was because we were suspected of taking drugs. You know why they said that? Tina, one of the people who share this body, copied song lyrics about a teenager who took sleeping pills to kill himself and she put our legal name in the lyrics. A friend took it to a teacher and they thought it meant Tina said she was taking drugs. It was a cry for help and they threw us away.

We could've had an opposite reaction to this treatment than we did. I didn't know what to think except that it hurt so bad. We left the school and that was it. If we weren't so completely pained inside we could've done something violent. We didn't. We took it and added it to the pain we already felt. I can see how easy it would be to just take the other road and not care anymore.

This is Sukey.

Sukey is a member of Kasiya multiple system.

More on bullies and in-school abuse here.

Fear the Geek Dan Savage talks about the evils that have always existed in high schools, and suggests these school shootings might bring them to light.
Massacre of the Soul Idat describes the gut feelings of those who could do such things.
Prof. Jenkins Goes to Washington This is the story of how a mild mannered MIT Professor ended up being called before Congress to testify about "selling violence to our children".
Kurt, Kurt, Kurt... Bob King reflects on life in high school, bullies and their targets, and kids with guns.
How to create a school shooter Look at our culture, look at our entertainment, look at what happens to people who are different. It should be no surprise.
The Untouchable Mean Girls The death of Phoebe Prince.
Tell Us What Happened Why classmates are afraid to speak up about what happened to Phoebe Prince.

Wikipedia entry on bullies and what is being done currently.

Think about the chilling effect events like these have against children's self-expression and creative outlets. The self-expressions of young people will now be scrutinized more closely than ever. Taking their writing, taking their art, taking video games, Internet, TV etc., even guns, away will not stop the rage inside that Idat talks about in her article. Society itself has to change at a fundamental, core level. Do you think it can change? Do you think you can help make that change?

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