|
This paragraph is by Jay Young |
Colon Rots closed his notebook with a weary sigh. It was going to be another one of THOSE nights.....
|
| This paragraph is by
Clarissa |
Various thoughts plagued him. He was unable to think straight. What was he going to do? |
| This paragraph is by
Jay Young |
DRINK, of course...... |
| This paragraph is by
Darius |
He stood up, looking around the room. The dim lights barely made it into the corners. He thought about the legend he had just tried to finished. He had a million thoughts, but nothing seemed to make sense. |
| This paragraph is by
Jordan |
Just then the phone rang. He picked it up. "I want a pizza to go and no anchovies," the voice on the other end said. |
| This paragraph is by
Bob King |
He recognised the voice. "You have the wrong number, Sherry. This is Dr. Rots. You are failing to control your delusions again." ... "Make that double cheese, splatwit," the male voice said. "I wanna see if you can do anything useful." |
| This paragraph is by
Maude F. King |
"Delusions don't eat pizza." Colon was sure that he'd dismissed the delusion in a puff of rhetoric.
|
| This paragraph is by
*bob* |
"No. Delusions do not, I'm quite certain." The voice was cultured and English. "I would like my Anchovies on the side." |
| This paragraph is by
Anise of jensco |
It was jsut about now that Colon was reaching for that drink. He stood up, pushed in his chair, and walked into the kitchen. |
| This paragraph is by
JADY of jensco |
"Pizza! What a sorry excuse for a... hey wait a minute!" Colon thought as he reached the refrigerator, and opened it's door. "I *know* I just bought a bottle of Sambuka..." |
| This paragraph is by
Jay (for whom this always happens right when something important comes on NPR) |
Just then the phone rang again. "Hi, I'm calling on behalf of Blurburger Research, Inc. May I speak to the man or lady of the house?" |
| This paragraph is by
Rieija of Bekaio |
Just then, the mozzarella cheese, tomato sauce, and anchovies fell out of the refridgerator, the anchovies falling most deliberately to the side... |
| This paragraph is by
JADY again |
"Ah, I'm kind of BUSY right now. And geez, it's 10 pm. Aren't you all NOT supposed to call this late?? Well??" |
| This paragraph is by
Jay |
Silence on the other end of the phone. Had it actually been the phone at all? |
| This paragraph is by
Anise of jensco |
"Sir, ah, Dr. Rots, I think you may have mistaken us for one of those annoying telemarketers. I, er we, have a proposal you might be very interested in..." |
| This paragraph is by
JADY |
Colon sighed as he looked down at the pizza, cheese and fish on the floor. "Would the weirdness never end tonite?" he thought. |
| This paragraph is by
Gabriel |
Weird enough!!! For a minute there he thought it was the fish talking to him. |
| This paragraph is by
Jay |
On the other hand, if this really was one of his patients, here was an opportunity to learn more about their weird delusions. Money was running short, and he could always use another lucrative case that would be paid for by the poor deluded wretch's insurance company. "Go on," he said as he looked for something to scrape up the fish with... |
| This paragraph is by
Maddy |
A persistent buzzing noise made its way into his consciousness. Was the session over already? Or was it the doorbell? No, no, it was the egg-timer: the shrinky-dinks he'd put in the oven earlier were ready. Unfortunately he'd been using the oven mitts to clean up the fish. He cast a haggard eye around the room in search of something to use to take the tray out of the oven with... |
| This paragraph is by IHCOYC XPICTOC |
. . . finding nothing, he resolved merely to turn the heat all the way up, and wait, for the mystery posed by the obscure telephone caller would surely take several hours to unravel. Good for the old paunch, he thought to himself, anyways, as he returned. . . |
| This paragraph is by
Anise |
to the phone, the other was silent again. "Ith anyone there?" a small voice lisped... |
| This paragraph is by
John |
"Uh, yes, I'm listening," Dr. Rots said. He settled into his Cushy-Brand (tm) lounge chair and pushed RECORD... |
| This paragraph is by
Ts |
"We've not shpoken," the voice said. "I'm an anshovy." |
| This paragraph is by
Anise |
"Well, Anchovy, it's very nice to meet you." Colon said, not believign his own ears. "Ah, is there something you need me to do Anchovy?" He asked. |
| This paragraph is by
jensco |
"Yeth, I need you to find a pethin for me." The small voice lisped.
"Well, Anchovey, who is it that you want me to find?" Dr. Rots asked. |
| This paragraph is by
Clarissa of the Army |
"I need you to find Mither Thetheroni," replied the voice. D. Rots tried to figure out if the anchovy he was talking to were drunk or recovering from dental surgery. |
| This paragraph is by
John Shao |
Dr. Rots asked "Could you repeat that please?" "Thetheroni," the small voice said in a louder tone. "He'th got my accordion." |
| This paragraph is by
Anise |
"I thee, er see. Well that is a very big problem indeed. Um, can you describe your instrument for me? On second thought, maybe I should meet you somewhere, and we can discuss, ah, your accordion in greater detail" Dr. Rots said. |
| This paragraph is by
Ts |
There was a strangled sound of fear and then silence on the line and Dr. Rots wondered what he had said. Then the voice spoke again, but shakily. "But... I'm an anshovey...," it said quietly. "I might be eaten by a cat or thomthing.... Itsh a mush better idea that I never ever leave the houth." |
| This paragraph is by
John (man am I gonna get my ass kicked) Shao |
Hmmm, trying to get me to make house calls, eh? you little squirt. We'll get to the bottom of this. "But maybe there's another part of you that can bring you to my office and keep you out of danger." He made his voice very soft and hypnotic. "If there is such a part, I'd like to speak to it. Perhaps we can arrange an appointment for this evening.." |
| This paragraph is by
Ford |
There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. Finally, the voice said, "You don'th underthand. I'm an anshovey. Every part of me is an anshovey. My legs are anshovey legs, and my arms are anshovey arms, and even if they weren't I'd thill get eaten. You have to come here, Docthur Rots." |
| This paragraph is by
the Doctor |
"Delusional," thought Colon, "the patient is simply delusional. This proves it. He's not even making sense anymore." Dr. Rots reached down to pick up a slice of pizza off the kitchen floor. About to put it into his mouth, he heard the voice on the phone exclaim... |
| This paragraph is by
JADY |
"Ahhhhhhhh, HELP ME.... HELP ME!" |
| This paragraph is by
Clarissa |
Colon Rots stared at the phone in horror, realising for the first time that all he could hear coming through it was the operator telling him to hang up the phone. "What's happening?? What's wrong with me?" he asked himself. A panicky voice from the pizza answered him: |
| This paragraph is by
Dyllon of jensco |
"You silly sap! What in the world ARE you doing? Put that slice of pizza down this instant!" Colon promptly dropped the pizza, and started opening the cupboards for that bottle of Sambuka he knew was there somewhere. |
| This paragraph is by
Cosmo's Cosmic Adventure |
"It was the television," he muttered to himself. "Or the radio. I'll bet I left the radio on and that voice I heard was just Richard L. Fish doing radio melodrama." Dr. Rots thought for a minute. "Yes, I'm sure that's what it was." Sighing with relief, he went about looking for the Sambuka, when the same voice announced "Richard FISH, eh? Well what is an ANSHOVY but a kind of a FISH?" Now Dr. Rots was really starting to get worried. He considered getting back on the phone... |
| This paragraph is by
John, with a T-shirt (you know what it says!) |
"Waal, you'd better git on over to Sherry's, cause if you don't, it'll be your anshovy and not mine," a deeper voice said in a godawful Midwestern accent. Dr. Rots felt himself oddly compelled to listen to this one.... |
| This paragraph is by
Rioghnacha |
But as he was compelled to listen, he heard something from outside the house that seemed to be distracting him from what he was listening to. Something that sounded almost like nonsensical chantings... |
| This paragraph is by
I'm just happy to be here |
it sounded like a rusty old guitar belting out a sentimental melody accompanied by thunderous drums, a laconic bassline, a 60s electric piano?! and the insistent words "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn...." |
| This paragraph is by
Anfa |
He found himself drawn to the sound, only to discover this annoying sound coming from the telephone... |
| This paragraph is by
someone who's going to get his ass kicked |
"Goot EVE-ning, Dr. Rotssss..." hissed the oddly accented voice at the other end, "I haff a propossition for you. You're going out to meet the anshovy, no?" Dr. Rots decided to play it cool. "I haven't decided yet, Mr...." "Abdul Kahmal Mahnoor, at your service." |
| This paragraph is by
Snitcher of the Army |
"I have reason to believe that you are possessed by demons," said Abdul, "so meet me in the alley."
"How will I know you??" asked the confused Dr.
"I'll be wearing a fez." |
| This paragraph is by
Terre |
The line went dead after that and he found himself holding a phone making an odd noise. How did that happen? And how was he supposed to concentrate with all this noise? |
| This paragraph is by
Chris |
And how do I make my voice do this? |
| This paragraph is by
Kimberly |
He slowly hangs the phone up & starts to walk over to the window, he was sure the odd noise was coming from outside. Slowly...he pulls back the curtains to take a peak at what may be out there. This sound emanated from everywhere & nowhere all at the same time, what could be make this sound, he thought? Do I dare go outside? He feels something strange, he does not know what to do. He's sure the sound is coming from outside, but why can he hear it inside the house, just as he is about to put on his coat, he suddenly realizes....... |
| This paragraph is by
Kimberly |
He slowly hangs the phone up & starts to walk over to the window, he was sure the odd noise was coming from outside. Slowly...he pulls back the curtains to take a peak at what may be out there. This sound emanated from everywhere & nowhere all at the same time, what could be make this sound, he thought? Do I dare go outside? He feels something strange, he does not know what to do. He's sure the sound is coming from outside, but why can he hear it inside the house, just as he is about to put on his coat, he suddenly realizes....... |
| This paragraph is by
Kimberly |
He hung the phone up and proceeded to make his way towards the window, as he was sure the odd noise was coming from outside. Strange...he thought to himself, the noise seems to be coming from everywhere & nowhere all at the same time. He was about to put on his coat & shoes when he suddenly realized.... |
| This paragraph is by
Kimberly |
He hung the phone up and proceeded to make his way towards the window, as he was sure the odd noise was coming from outside. Strange...he thought to himself, the noise seems to be coming from everywhere & nowhere all at the same time. He was about to put on his coat & shoes when he suddenly realized.... |
| This paragraph is by
Snitcher of the Army |
...that he was caught in a time loop!! |
| This paragraph is by
Kimberly |
and why does it sound like that odd noise is coming from outside now? Slowly he walks over to the door and opens it, this odd strange noise seems to be coming from everywhere & nowhere at the same time. Suddenly he realized..... |
| This paragraph is by
Kimberly |
and why does it sound like that odd noise is coming from outside now? Slowly he walks over to the door and opens it, this odd strange noise seems to be coming from everywhere & nowhere at the same time. Suddenly he realized..... |
| This paragraph is by
Starr |
...that it was really coming from within him. But there was no way that it could be possible. What was even less likely was the blonde woman that he could see stalking him... |
| This paragraph is by
anonymous |
who was walking quite strangely. Each time she took a step, she swished one side of her body up forward, as if she didn't have much leg at all to move. He also noticed how little of that blond hair covered her large oval head. Wait a second! He shook his head. He could have sworn that she was... |
| This paragraph is by
Ben of the MAH (who wrote the above paragraph but forgot to sign the darned thing) |
a...G-G-G-G-GIANT... |
| This paragraph is by
Clarissa of the Army |
Dr. Colon Rots was beginning to suspect he was on an acid trip, or something. |
| This paragraph is by
Starr |
But whatever it was, he was hoping that it came to an end soon. However, what Dr. Colon Rots was experiencing had just begun, and was all of his own doing... |
| This paragraph is by
Gabe |
THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!!!! |
| This paragraph is by
Andy |
...for the Snark was a Boojum, you see. |
| This paragraph is by
Ford of the Army |
"THERE you are," said a voice behind him. It sounded strangely sane compared to everything else that had been happening that evening. "You must be Dr. Colon Rots. I've read your books. My name is Abdul Kahmal Mahnoor."
Dr. Rots noted the fez hat on Mr. Mahnoor's head, and decided he had to be telling the truth. "I was watching you through an open window," said Mahnoor, "and you were shouting at your pizza. Let me help you." |
| This paragraph is by
Anfa |
All of a sudden, he wasn't certain that it was a good idea to listen to this person. They watched each other warily for many long moments and Dr. Rots wondered how he could help him when he had no idea what was going on himself... |
| This paragraph is by
Caitlin |
"Do I know you from somewhere? Did we maybe meet somewhere?" he asked, puzzled. |
| This paragraph is by
Anfa (laughing her ass off) |
"Of course we have... I've always been here... I will always be here... I was only waiting for you to realise it." |
| This paragraph is by
Anise |
Colon nodded at the mysterious figure before him as he said... |
| This paragraph is by
Clarissa |
"You see, Dr. Rots... I told you the demon possession line to get you to come out here. Now, I must tell you the truth..." said the man in the fez. |
| This paragraph is by
Terali |
"And what is the truth?" demanded Colon Rots, feeling as though he might be delusional, or at the best, more than slightly delirious. |
| This paragraph is by
Terre, high on cold medication |
Just then, right behind the man in the fez, a glowing neon sign lit up with the words "The Truth Isn't Out There, It's In Here!" |
| This paragraph is by
Johnny Shao |
accompanied by that raucous Neil-obsessed band doing an encore. Dr. Rots was strangely compelled to listen... "Excuse me," he mumbled, "Do you hear music?" Mahnoor looked puzzled, as the neon lights reflected blindingly off his shades. |
| This paragraph is by
Romy |
"I hear nothing. But perhaps it is the Way of Truth being shown to you."
Rots barely heard what Mahnoor said, stumbling past him into the neon light.
"But perhaps, sir, you are not ready to go in there!!" Mahnoor called after him.
It was pointless. Rots was completely hypnotized.
"Oh well," sighed Mahnoor. "I tried to warn him, yes?" ... "You did," his fez replied (in, what else, a fezzy voice). "Now it's up to him..." |
| This paragraph is by
John, Jay and Gabe |
Colon Rots shambled into the dive and took a seat not too far from the stage where a group of unbelievably scruffy young men were producing an unbelievably mind-bending sound. He somehow knew that this was the answer to it all. He was completely mesmerized. Between sets a waiter came up to him and he absentmindedly ordered a beer and a small pizza. "What would you like on your pizza?" "Oh, green peppers," Colon said dreamily, "mushrooms, cheese, lox," "I'm sorry, we don't have any lox. Would you like anchovies?" |
| This paragraph is by
The ever critical Anise |
Colon's head was positivly splitting. Anchovies, fezzes, pizza it was all too much. The dreamy state made him refuse the reality of what he was seeing. What was real? Was this a dream? Was the man in the fezz a figment of his rather twisted imagination? |
| This paragraph is by
Terre |
Or maybe all that time that he has spent living this shallow meaningless lifetime had finally caught up with him, and he had gone psychotic. He couldn't go crazy, for the concept of crazy didn't exist to his mind, but psychosis was a perfectly logical explanation to him. |
| This paragraph is by
Anfa |
But for now, he was compelled to listen to the band, for that was the secret to his recent revelations, and to gain more knowledge, he must continue listening. |
| This paragraph is by
Jay |
"No anchovies," he mumbled, and watched as the keyboard player lit a few candles and the group went into a drawn-out version of "Take me to the river", the rhythm guitar player singing the lead like he was half here and half there. |
| This paragraph is by
Darius |
through the dreaminess of the scene Colon knew that psychosis was the answer. He gave up all reservations that he had had as the guitar player winked at him through the smoky room and Colon knew then that answer was 42. |
| This paragraph is by
Ben of the Mo'Abla'Haret |
Intermission: Everyone look at the dancing monkey wearing leiderhosen and a little hat with a daisy in it. |
| This paragraph is by
I'm just happy to be here |
Colon looked around the room and noticed Sherry sitting in a far corner, nursing a Pink Whiskers cocktail* and smiling bemusedly at the monkey. Should he go talk to her? Or whichever one of the many of her it might be? Sure, why not. |
| This paragraph is by
Jennifer (yes it's me) |
Colon approached Sherry, noticing her posture. She was sitting straight up and it looked almost as if her nose was in the air. Colon had a hunch that this was the owner of the cultured and english voice who likes his anchovies on the side. "can I join you, ah, um, Sherry?" Colon asked. The person sitting there barely noticed him "If you must,"... |
| This paragraph is by
a smartass |
Colon decided to turn on the charm. "I'm a doctor, you know." |
| This paragraph is by
Anfa |
If anything, the person sitting there paid him even less attention than she had before, so he tried again. "I can tell you things about yourself that you've never known before." |
| This paragraph is by
Anthony Temple |
"And what would I do with them?" the Englisher said. "What?" Colon said, startled. The Englisher sighed in exasperation. "What would I do with this information after you gave it to me?" Colon was nonplussed. No one had ever asked him that question before, and the band seemed to have gone into a particularly drowsy, Byzantine rendition of Dylan's "Baby Blue" making it difficult to think.... |
| This paragraph is by
me |
"Well," Colon fumbled, "...if there were anything wrong with you to begin with, I could talk you through it, and together we could get to the root of the problem, and -" He could tell he was merely digging a hole for himself. This was going nowhere. |
| This paragraph is by
Jay |
The Englisher paused for thought and sipped on her (or his.. Colon wasn't sure) Pink Whiskers. "Suppose we look at this another way. Suppose, Dr. Rots, there were something wrong with -you-, and that I could provide you with an astonishing revelation from which you might gain insight. What would you be willing to give me in return?" |
| This paragraph is by
me |
Dr. Rots laughed indignantly. "There's nothing wrong with me! I am a doctor, you know." He reached out for the glass on the table which the Englisher had not touched, and had a long drink. "I help other people. They don't help me. It's my JOB to help people." |
| This paragraph is by
Gabe |
"And have you?" "What?" "Have you helped them?" "Why, of course I have. I've helped them see through their delusions. The brain is incapable of supporting more than one personality! I help them understand how they're letting delusions take the place of reality..." The Brit (who he forgot was really his patient Sherry) listened politely while Dr Rots rambled and the band rocked on in their 15th Neil Young cover since he got here. That drink must be powerful stuff, Dr Rots realized in some small corner of what was left of his mind. The band was starting to sound good. Especially the bass player. |
| This paragraph is by
Terre |
After listening to Dr. Rots ramble on for quite some time, the Brit commented into the silence that followed: "Have you ever considered that it may not be those people that have the problem, but rather you instead?" |
| This paragraph is by
Melanthe |
The combination of the unfamiliar setting, whatever was in that drink, the psychedelic music thick enough to cut with a breadknife and serve with butter and jam, and the beautiful Green Cloud that was drifting through the room from something the guys in the band were Smoking, combined with the evening's earlier unsettling events just enough to tilt Dr Rots' mind sideways at a 42 degree angle. He looked at the Brit. "Yes," he said, his own voice sounding to him as if it were being filtered through an echo chamber. "Yes, it has. What would you do if you were in my shoes?" |
| This paragraph is by
Tegan |
"Well, for a start," the Brit began, "I would stop looking down my nose at people. It's not as if God himself appointed you to be a divine doctor. It's not as if you *really* know what's going on in other people's lives and minds. All you can do is speculate. You're so wrapped up in your own need for fame and glory that you've lost your way. You don't know how to help people anymore. You only know how to make an ass of yourself, trying to play God to multiples." |
| This paragraph is by
Alam |
The Brit's voice faded in and out, as the room swirled in a lovely psychaedelic pattern. Rots couldn't follow the thread of the Brit's argument, lost as he was in a haze of the Green Cloud. Only one thing registered in his be-fogged mind.
"But I AM God!" Rots protested loudly.
A bass guitar thrummed. Drums crashed.
The lights went out. |
| This paragraph is by
Starr |
A sarcastic female voice drifted from a corner of the room, just as she lit a cigarette. "All right, almighty God, what the fuck are you going to do now?" |
| This paragraph is by
Anise :) |
"Well, I was just... I was going to, ah... Ah hell. I have no idea waht I'm going to do. God can't always know what he's going to do, does he?" Colon asked. |
| This paragraph is by
Ren |
"Excuse me," said a deep voice with just a hint of a drawl from the vicinity of the stage. "Neil Young is God. And we here are all worshippers. You wanna maybe retract that there blasphemy, *doctor* Rots?" |
| This paragraph is by
Andy |
A singular sound ensued, as of a 15-year-old lead guitar player trying vainly to smother a fit of giggles. Dr. Rots was nonplussed. Were these people serious or were they.... "Boojums, y'see," said the Irish boy with the tambourine, having conveniently read the doctor's mind. Dr Rots didn't like this at all. This was, he realised at long last, completely out of his league. "Y-you mean.. you're all..." |
| This paragraph is by
Starr |
"Yes, we are," the answer came from the woman smoking the cigarette in another apt performance of reading the good doctor's mind. "And you have no idea on what you have stumbled upon here, Doctor. And besides, you never did take back what you said..." |
| This paragraph is by
Ford |
"This can't be!" Dr. Rots looked around wildly for a window to jump out of. "You are all delusions! You aren't real! No more booze and sardine pizzas for me!" He began to laugh. The brit suspected he had finally snapped. |
| This paragraph is by
Leila Ladydancer |
The more time that went on, the louder and the more maniacal his laugh got until he conked his head on the table and passed out. |
| This paragraph is by
Ford |
"Oh, now look what you did," said a guy who had been watching the whole thing unobtrusively up to this point. "You were supposed to let him know gently - not drive him insane." |
| This paragraph is by
Starr |
"I just did my part of things the usual way. How was I supposed to know that it would drive him to this point? Then again, my usual way of dealing with things would exactly be considered gentle..." the woman with the cigarette shook her head and chuckled. "So what now?" |
| This paragraph is by
Ford |
"Oh, I don't know. We might want to clean up that pizza in the kitchen. It's a real mess. What's on TV tonight??" he asked, in a tone that suggested he wasn't too concerned about Dr. Rots' sanity. |
| This paragraph is by
Starr |
"Nothing much. I'm thinking I might just put a tape in and watch a movie. There's nothing on television these days. And I'm sure that at some point, somebody will clean up the pizza. Who knows, it might even be me..." |
| This paragraph is by
Sharona |
With that, they all sat down to watch television, knowing that Dr. Rots (still unconscious) would not be coming out of denial any time soon. After flipping channels for a few minutes, they finally settled on PBS. The british lady wondered aloud when they would bother trying to explain themselves to Dr. Rots again, and a sarcastic voice guffawed that he would never "get it." So ended another evening at the Rots household. |
|
-----
*Pink Whiskers Cocktail
1 oz Apricot Brandy
1/2 oz Dry Vermouth
1 oz Orange Juice
1 tsp Grenadine
3 dashes White Creme de Menthe
1 oz Port
Shake well with cracked ice. Strain into an old fashioned glass.
Back to the story...
|
